Worry and happiness are often in the middle of a thought.
recently, a brand new variety show, "We are divorced", has become a hit all over Asia.
as soon as the first episode was broadcast, Korean net ratings exploded, reaching a maximum of 14.7%.
in China, it has also caused a wave of popularity, with 880 million topics read on Weibo and a Douban score as high as 8.3.
it boldly focuses the camera on the "divorced couple" and knows how novel the content is just by listening to the name.
divorced couples meet again and live together under the same roof for three days.
everything is broadcast in front of the camera, isn't it too exciting?
but if you think this is a variety show with dog blood and force as the selling point, or watch the show in anticipation of whether divorced couples can "get back together", you may be disappointed.
it's more like the scene of a big marriage "operation", telling you gory how a marriage dies.
"Why do people who have been in love go to divorce?
"can you still be friends after divorce?
"what is the difference in their mindset in the face of divorce?
it focuses on reality, through the situation of cohabitation after divorce, discusses the mode of divorce, and reflects on marriage and family relationship.
the first pair of guests invited by the program: 62-year-old actress Yu Yinshu and 70-year-old actor Li Yinhe.
both of them were veteran stars in South Korea in the 1980s, when one was handsome and the other was a popular actress. They were once recognized as "golden boys and jade girls" in the hearts of the audience.
when the couple got married in 1981, they were called the wedding of the century by the Korean media.
but who would have thought that 26 years later, the two suddenly announced their divorce.
there is no question of principle, there is no third party to intervene, and even Yu Yinshu said, "there is no special reason."
that is, I can't live anymore.
26 years have passed, why divorce?
maybe we can find the answer in the program.
when she learned that she was going to get along with her ex-husband again, Yu Yinshu seemed to be looking forward to it. She went out of her way to do a styling and came to the designated place early.
she still remembers her ex-husband's preferences and tastes and prepares his favorite barbecue in advance.
I can see that she attaches great importance to this date 13 years later, and she still has good expectations for her ex-husband.
but her ex-husband Li Yinghe's attitude is diametrically opposed to hers.
when the two met, Eun-Shu gently asked her ex-husband, "have you eaten?" Are you hungry? Did you sleep well? "
and Li Yinghe looks very uncomfortable, just a faint response.
Yinshu found that Yinghe also brought rice cakes and thought it was a gift for herself, but she never thought it was a gift for her neighbors.
clean the room, check the gas, cook.
he even adds rice to his ex-husband, eats tender meat for his ex-husband, and eats his own burnt parts.
maybe she is used to this mode of getting along with each other.
Ying he is like an "iron wall" in the face of any feelings of his ex-wife.
he changed the subject in various blunt ways and refused to have any emotional communication with his ex-wife.
his ex-wife always wanted to ask. He kept saying that his mouth was tired. "Don't ask."
the saddest thing is that the two are sitting in the courtyard chatting. Yin Shu recalls the past with tears and bravely asks her ex-husband:
"Don't you think time is a pity?"
but Yinghe not only did not give any positive answer, but even avoided his eyes.
is that his character, that he is not good at words and does not like to communicate?
he has a large group of friends who socialize constantly on weekdays, and even make an appointment with friends in the past few days when recording the program.
it was not easy for him to take a day off for his honeymoon, but he stayed with his friends for a drink until four o'clock in the morning, leaving Eun-sook alone in the hotel.
I can see that Li Yinghe is a very typical traditional husband: he is kind to everyone, but his attitude to his wife is very casual.
when he gets along with his friends, he is eloquent and has a lot of topics.
when facing his wife, he returns to "dumb mode", as if any of his wife's emotional needs are irrelevant.
while Yinshu strives to play the role of "good wife and mother", she also expects her husband to give herself an emotional care and comfort.
but she didn't get it in her marriage for 26 years, and still didn't get a penny after 13 years of divorce.
"close and distant husband and wife", Yinhe and Yinshu are in line with the words of Li Ye, a poetess of the Tang Dynasty.
because you are my dearest person, I don't need to chat with you, care about you, spoil you, pick you up from work, or communicate with you.
in short, if I treat you as a relative, you should not care about anything.
but it doesn't matter if one is numb and doesn't know anything, while the other has no place to talk about it. How can two people be happy in their marriage?
it seems much easier for the guests in the second group to get along.
even, the two are a little sweet and a little ambiguous.
Cui BBQ, 26, and24-year-old Liu Heye, both of whom are well-known online celebrity bloggers, look at their experiences, like the best of love:
Love at first sight, if you don't marry, you don't marry, and then you get married with a son, and you have a lovely baby.
traces of happiness for a family of three have been left on various social platforms.
after the divorce, the two met again with no embarrassment, laughter and laughter.
ex-husband barbecue first find a topic:
"can you see what has changed about me? I've lost weight! Look at my chest and waist. Do you want to touch it? "
the lotus leaf covered her mouth and replied shyly, "No."
when washing in the bathroom at night, the barbecue naturally helps to hold the lotus leaf's hair.
washing your face and brushing your teeth looks like the daily life of a loving couple.
before going to bed, the two people massage each other together, acting very naturally.
because the lotus leaf likes massage very much, the barbecue used to massage her every day.
even at midnight, the two had a drink and exchanged thoughts.
such a scene does not look like a divorced ex-couple.
many netizens even joked: "they are on the wrong show!" It should be "We're married". "
but in fact, they have been divorced for seven months and their marriage has lasted for five years.
the reason, on the surface, comes from irreconcilable friction and interference with the elders.
at the time of marriage, both families were unhappy because of a series of problems such as bride price, house and so on.
the father of the barbecue even said something heavy, which hurt his mother-in-law.
after the two married, such frictions and contradictions have not been reduced.
the father of the barbecue is very dissatisfied with the lotus leaf. He thinks that the lotus leaf does not have the "virtues" of traditional Korean women:
I can't cook, and I don't greet my father-in-law during the holidays.
the father even appraised the lotus leaf as a "zero-point woman" in front of his granddaughter.
but as the program went on, a deeper reason emerged: the barbecue was not as good as thought, and he did not take good care of the lotus leaves.
for five years, barbecue only ran away in the face of disputes between father and wife.
he always only says: dad is 80 years old, why not give way to him?
when the couple argue, the barbecue is very strong, although the barbecue always apologizes later.
the lotus leaf recalled its previous experience and only said faintly:
"it's more about the feeling of being scolded."
moreover, on the show, the barbecue admitted that he had a girlfriend who had been dating for 80 days after the divorce, and said that the ex-girlfriend was kinder than his ex-wife.
of course, the live broadcast partner is a woman and even has an affair with the barbecue.
what's more, the children of their work partners are called barbecue dads one by one!
when I see this, I just want to say to the lotus leaf that Li is right.
in the program, barbecue has always had the idea of remarriage.
but the attitude of the lotus leaf is always like an iron wall:
"I feel relieved, it's over, and the shelf life is over."
in fact, whether a relationship can last long, the standard is very simple, only need two words: comfortable.
any relationship that makes you uncomfortable is wrong.
in a relationship, if you always feel scolded and disappointed, there is really no need to maintain the relationship.
instead of pleasing others, you might as well give up.
in the program, he quoted a study by the University of Washington:
among the 10 stresses in life, the first is the death of the spouse, the second is divorce, the seventh is marriage, and the ninth is reconciliation with the spouse.
4 of the 10 life stresses are related to marriage.
not long ago, statistics on provincial divorce rates in the first quarter of 2020 were on the hot search list.
according to the Ministry of Civil Affairs, the national average divorce rate has also reached 39.33%.
this means that while every 10 couples get married, four couples get divorced.
but this also shows that as the experience of marriage becomes more and more profound, people's views on marriage and love have changed greatly:
when a marriage breaks up, it is better to get together and break up than endure it in silence.
for example, for the two pairs of guests in the program, it is better for them to separate--
because the contradiction that led to their divorce is still unresolved, and even if they remarry, they can only repeat the same mistake.
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I often see such a sentence on the Internet: marriage is not necessarily for happiness, but divorce must be.
but I actually think that the idea conveyed by "We are divorced" is correct:
"divorce is not to be happier, but to reduce misfortune."
for example, for Liu Heye, she can only meet her daughter once a month, and her daughter may not feel complete maternal love, which is "unfortunate";
but if she is still in this marriage, not only is she unhappy, but she quarrels or has a cold war with her husband endlessly every day, which is "even more unfortunate" for the growth of her children.
so, if you have ever thought about divorce, but are hesitant and hesitant, the question isIt is worth pondering:
is divorce the least bad choice?
if not, you can still stick to it;
if so, what else is there to miss in such a marriage?
and for many people who say "I don't want to get married again" after watching the show, it doesn't have to be so.
because marriage is first of all a process of loss, a process in which both parties are bound to lose or compromise.
lose the right to love others freely; lose the right to freely distribute the money earned; lose one's right to monopolize all living space, lose the right to decide one's own career and course of life.
if you can realize these first in the cooling-off period, many "mistakes" can be unnecessary.
for example, if you are clearly at odds with your partner's parents, and your partner is not independent enough and incapable of coordination, you have to be careful to enter such a marriage.
some people say: "Love is like a cup of delicious coffee, while marriage is a coffee cup with leftover coffee grounds."
when we look at this cup of coffee, we should look at it as a whole.
after all, marriage is never just about two people falling in love, it involves a lot.
I hope that everyone in the face of their own marriage, whether they choose to end or continue, in order to avoid more misfortune.
wish you all well.