If marriage is too impatient, it will be troublesome when it comes to leisure.
not long ago, I was vaguely sad to see the statistics of the Civil Affairs Bureau on marriage and divorce in recent years.
table shows that the marriage rate has been declining over the past nine years, but the divorce rate has continued to rise.
that is to say
an average of 10,000 couples choose to divorce every day.
nowadays, with the rapid development of the times, even the holy marriage has entered the era of fast food.
couples lack enough patience to get to know each other, or if the contact time is too short and only see each other's strengths, they dare to move on to the next stage of life.
some people get married quickly, but quickly go through the divorce formalities.
as Johnson said: getting married is too impatient, and it will be troublesome if you have leisure.
regardless of age and identity, marriage needs to be treated with caution. The following issues must be discussed before marriage:
Future housing problems
where to live after marriage, how to buy a house, and whether you want to live with your parents after marriage;
if two people are in a long-distance relationship, can one of them stay away from relatives and friends and go to each other's city life?
choose a city where both sides like and are willing to live stably, and study the surrounding facilities and urban planning before buying a house, which will save a lot of unnecessary trouble in the future.
whether or not to live with parents after marriage is a test that many couples will face, including the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, financial pressure and other factors.
while long-distance couples talk about differences in customs, eating habits, and leaving the circle of friends in the past, they are all concessions for marriage.
Future career planning
for the future career development plans of the two sides, you can first talk about the goals within ten years to see if there are any differences of opinion on the impact on their lives.
if one party's work needs to leave his family's place to work in another place, whether the other party is willing to accompany him or her.
if a marriage needs to give up part of its career ideal, whether it is willing to accept it, and to what extent it is acceptable to give up.
A series of problems for children
before you get married, know clearly whether there is too much disagreement on the issue of raising children:
when to have children, who will take care of the children after marriage, how to arrange the children's expenses, and the children's future education are all issues that need to be discussed seriously.
having children will greatly affect women's career development, while men's financial pressure will also increase.
if there is no help from both parents to take care of the children, it is necessary for one party to return to the family.
moreover, a survey of previous reports showed that in some parts of Shanghai, the cost of raising a child to junior high school is nearly 800000, with education accounting for the majority.
loyalty to marriage
can you accept the extent to which the other person is in contact with friends of the opposite sex, what is your definition of cheating, and can you accept each other's mental or physical infidelity?
if you can't accept it, be sure to show your bottom line in advance.
the economic situation of both sides
personal assets, movable and immovable property, and whether married property is used together or managed separately.
whether personal debt and household debt should be shared or not;
whether one side is willing to help the other financially.
consumption views of both parties
the gap in consumption concept will directly affect marriage. When in love or before marriage, we should pay attention to this problem, not until after marriage, want to solve.
some time ago, ordinary working-class women spent 300000 on Singles Day shopping to buy big-name products, and their husbands could not accept that they wanted to jump off buildings, which was a vivid tragedy.
Family problems of both parties
Marriage is not a matter for two people, but a matter for two families.
there must be a lot of problems in the native family that you don't like, in order to prevent these problems from appearing in your family;
first of all, make it clear to the other person, avoid it and solve it as much as possible.
Don't make it clear before marriage, problems emerge after marriage, and you may put up with it at first.
but as you endure, the grievances will grow bigger and bigger, and the last one will get out of hand.
living habits of both parties
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everyone has their own unique living habits, in a marriage, marriage is really not only love, but also each other's living habits.
it can be said that after getting married, everyone should get used to each other's unique living habits.
in the face of each other's living habits, which can be tolerated and which can not be accepted;
all need to communicate well to prevent future marriages from being ruined by details.
attitude of both sides in the face of quarrel
it is hard to avoid friction in their lives after marriage. If they quarrel, can they stop at the right time?
calm down and listen to the other person and be fair to their thoughts and complaints.
in addition, can you calmly control your emotions and avoid excessive behavior in the middle of a quarrel?
can you objectively analyze the problems faced by two people after a quarrel and work together to overcome difficulties?
have a history of disease
Disease history includes physical and mental diseases, especiallySome major, hereditary, fertility-affecting diseases.
because it will have an impact on your marriage.
if you hide it before marriage, it is likely to cause the other person to think that he has been cheated and lose trust in his or her partner.
of course, understanding is two-way, and the other side should also know something about his health and family history.
can you accept each other's friends
do you like and respect each other's friends? what if you don't like one of your partner's friends?
apart from partners and relatives, friends are the most important social relationships in our lives.
but there is a good chance that the choice of friends will affect the direction of life in the future.
it is worth mentioning that friends of the opposite sex are also a topic to be discussed.
what is the personal bottom line
there is something that both parties can't give up because of marriage, it may be a car, a house, money, a career.
each has its own insistence. Explain in advance to see if the other party can accept it.
of course, there are some things that do need to be understood, but there are also things that need to be properly made way for marriage.
how to allocate future housework
how to divide the family affairs, such as cooking and cleaning, who will be responsible for it?
these seemingly trivial things often become the culprit of wasting feelings.
also need to consider different situations:
how both of them distribute housework at work will not cause complaints.
when one party is full-time at home, how to distribute housework, it may not be able to create economic value at home, whether it can get due respect, and so on.
what are the advantages and disadvantages of both sides
in the hot love period, couples can only see each other's strengths and avoid each other's unacceptable things.
but marriage needs to live together for a long time, and if discontent has been suppressed all the time, it will eventually lead to a big outbreak.
so it's best for two people to showdown their strengths and weaknesses before marriage to determine whether each other is the most suitable candidate for marriage.
of course, there are some shortcomings, such as domestic violence, which may be hidden or even hidden by the other party in the early stage, so they need careful observation and investigation.
who will be in charge of the future family
everything in the family involves who is in charge, which is the man's decision, and which is the woman's decision.
big enough to buy a house and car, small enough to vaccinate children;
including the arrangement of going home during the holidays, someone needs to make decisions and control the risks.
Marriage will inevitably face "distribution of rights";
for the long-term development of marriage, everyone has to make compromises and concessions.
Mr. Zhou Guoping once said:
Love is the treasure of life, when we use the ship of marriage to carry the treasure of love;
our mission is to avoid the reef as far as possible and reach our destination safely from the wind and waves.
whoever deliberately goes up against the wind and waves can have the pleasure of adventure, but it also shows that he does not cherish the treasures in the ship.
A good marriage depends on cherishing and protecting. Cherishing is predestined. If you cherish it, your heart will die.
the above 15 questions are like a road map during the voyage, making the voyage road clearer.
some of these problems may trigger each other's pain when talking about them, and there must be something you don't want to face.
but I believe that through these questions, people will re-examine their relationship and make the most appropriate future plans.
, may this premarital communication be the most authentic and generous gift to each other.
good luck in the future.
this book is published under authorization.