Please don't be surprised or disgraced, please feel good about your feelings and calm your anger.
No one can escape seven emotions and six desires in his life.
where there are joys and joys, there will be anger and sorrow, and the worst of them is anger.
anger, like a burning flame, not only does not solve any real problems, but burns your sobriety and memory and others' trust in you.
anger is the most useless vent
in life, everyone has his own temper more or less.
whenever you encounter unhappiness, the fire of nameless will quickly occupy the brain, and your anger is completely out of control.
but no matter how angry you are, you are the one who gets hurt in the end.
in psychology, there is a famous effect called the Mustang ending.
refers to the African prairie, there is a kind of blood-sucking bat, which is often attached to the horse leg to suck blood.
at this time, some Mustangs disagree, but some Mustangs are irritated. They kick each other, scream loudly and try their best to get rid of the bats.
but the more so, the more unable to get rid of it. The bats sucked enough blood and left satisfactorily, while the Mustang died of rage and bloodshed.
later, after the study of zoologists, it was found that the amount of blood absorbed by bats was so small that it was not enough to kill them. The real cause of Mustang death was emotional loss of control.
most of the time, we are playing the role of "Mustang". It is easy to get emotional and lose our mind over trifles.
but can anger solve the problem? I can't. Can anger make the other person learn to understand and tolerate? I can't either.
emotion comes at a price. To be angry is to punish yourself with other people's mistakes.
whenever you encounter something bad, you will show hostility in front of others. Apart from wasting your own time and emotions, it is of no use to others or to yourself.
No relative will like you to get angry easily; no friend will put up with your inexplicable negative energy all the time; let alone a lover will endure your "emotional violence" for the rest of his life.
as Schopenhauer said: "getting angry at the actions of others is as foolish as losing your temper at a stone on our way."
anger is never the solution to the problem. Only when you calm down can you deal with the bad things calmly.
there is a kind of cleverness called cold treatment
have seen such a fable:
someone got a precious purple sand teapot by chance.
he was so ecstatic that he kept playing with it all day long. In order to prevent theft, even sleep should be put at the head of the bed.
once, in his sleep, he knocked over the lid of the purple teapot to the ground.
after waking up, he was both angry and distressed, thinking, "the lid of the kettle is broken, what's the use of keeping the kettle body!"
so he angrily grabbed the teapot and threw it out of the window, turned around and went back to sleep.
when I got up the next day, I found that the lid of the kettle had fallen on my cotton-padded shoes and was not broken at all.
he jumped to his feet in anger and hated that he should not have thrown away the pot, but no matter how much he regretted it, he simply raised his foot and trampled the lid to pieces.
as soon as I went out, I saw the teapot thrown out of the window last night, hanging intact on the branch.
did you see that?
A lot of things are not what you think, and decisions made when you are emotional will only make things worse.
Zhihu, there is a great answer to the question of "how to avoid getting angry":
"when you come across something that makes you angry, take a deep breath, or go to the bathroom and deal with it when you get back. Trust me, 90% regret can be avoided in the future. "
calm down and cold handling is not only the fastest way to deal with an accident, but also gives yourself a room for manoeuvre.
when you are in a bad mood, don't rush to make a decision, but put it aside and give yourself 30 seconds, three minutes, three hours, or even three days to digest it.
wait for the anger to fade away, then talk well and deal with the problem rationally.
if you think about this, many contradictions in life can be easily resolved.
Let him be angry, I am as leisurely as ever
our emotions are like an unshaped piece of plasticine.
study, work, life, other people's behavior, words said, or even a look in the eye, can all become external forces that change the "mood" of plasticine.
but we can't allow ourselves to be emotional. At this time, we need to reach out and use more powerful external forces to shape our emotional efforts into a state of comfort.
writer Harris accompanied his friends to buy newspapers at the newsstand.
after buying, the friend politely said "thank you" to the vendor, but the vendor kept a cold face and said nothing.
when Harris saw this, he was a little angry. "this guy has a bad attitude, isn't he?"
the friend disagreed: "he does this every night."
Harry was surprised and asked, "then why are you so kind to him?"
the friend replied, "Why should I let him decide my behavior?"
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Yes, why let other people's malice influence your mood?
A lot of people do this in life:
when I get angry and quarrel, my mind goes blank, and I remember how to deal with it afterwards.Then you will suddenly find that there is no need to be so angry.
A person who knows how to control his own emotions will not be easily affected by each other's emotions.
this is the case with Foyin, an eminent monk in the Song Dynasty.
he and Su Shi are close friends and often drink and write poems together.
one day, Su Shi personally went to Jinshan Temple to look for Buddha's seal to play chess and chat. Before he entered the door, he shouted, "where is the bald donkey?"
when the Buddha Yin in the room heard this, he was displeased and felt that it was impolite to call him that.
but he didn't get angry right away, but pointed to the distant hillside and responded calmly, "Dongpo grazes grass."
you ask me where the bald donkey is, and I'll tell you to graze on the eastern hillside.
"Dongpo" is also Su Shi's number, a pun, in fact, scolding Su Shi is the donkey.
in a short sentence, it is easy to turn defeat into victory, not only relieving oneself of anger, but also "angry" the other party.
when being treated casually, once you get angry, it destroys your ability to think.
instead of being angry, it is better to fight back with a smile and politeness, like Foyin, and let him be angry. I am as leisurely as ever.
learn not to be angry first, and then learn to be angry
Chen Danqing said a sentence:
"I almost never get angry because I don't think it's necessary to solve problems and don't let other people's mistakes affect me.
every time you have an argument with someone, let the brain cool down first, wait for the spare power, and then deal with it, fight back.
"the King of Fairy Tales" Zheng Yuanjie attended a writer's pen meeting in his early years.
at that time, a collection of essays written by a Soviet writer was a bestseller. During the chat, he was asked if he had read it, but Zheng Yuanjie had not read it, so he told the truth.
unexpectedly, the other party was shocked, stood up and said loudly, "you haven't even read his book, so how can you write?"
seeing that everyone in the room nodded, he slowly said, "I made this man up."... "
with the spear of the son, the shield of the son, according to the other party's speech routine to respond to them, there is no anger in the words, but can still make the other side speechless.
and such a response is far more elegant than direct counterattacks and accusations.
incompetent people get angry at the contempt and belittling of others, while the really powerful people solve things without saying a word and make their own hostile people even more angry.
stick to your principles and bottom line. If someone is offended, show your strength to let him know that you are "difficult to mess with". At other times, learn not to be angry, not to get angry.
learn not to be spoiled or humiliated in trouble, to cultivate one's character in confusion, and to quell anger in confusion.
Don't get upset, don't complain, don't worry, resist anger with peace, manipulate emotion with reason, and face all kinds of unpleasant things in life with unangry wisdom.
in this way, we can find a place of peace in the troubles of the world for the rest of my life.