The more you can talk, the more smoothly you tend to walk.
the gap between people is not small:
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some people are happy as soon as they open their mouth and are willing to talk to him more and go on with their conversation.
others, on the other hand, give the impression that they are going to demonstrate "suicide chat" to the world, and people can't help but want to hit him as soon as they open their mouth.
the so-called "suicide chat", as the name implies, is a pure suicide chat.
therefore, when it comes to social problems, they are usually difficult to deal with and easily annoying.
and this kind of people, as we usually call them, have low EQ and can't speak.
whether in daily life or at work, being able to speak and not being able to speak are two completely different lives.
the former is more likely to have a good and harmonious family atmosphere, harvest high-quality contacts and friendships, and tend to go more and more smoothly on the way forward.
so how can you become such a person?
in today's article, let's briefly discuss it.
in my opinion, a person who can speak, or someone with a higher EQ, tends to avoid these five ways of speaking.
belittle others and elevate yourself
to visit a friend's new house, I feel that the color match is not good, and the materials in that place are cheaper. After some comments, add a sentence:
what brand does our family use? I tell you, things must be used well, don't save this money.
my colleague received a holiday gift from her husband and said faintly, "your husband is really stingy to you. He also gives this worthless thing. If my husband had dared to do this to me, he would have repaired him."
the first common manifestation of "suicide chat" is the habit of elevating yourself by belittling others, regardless of their feelings.
in real life, there are many such people who speak with a sense of superiority and try to show off themselves.
but the reality is that the more a person elevates himself and shows off himself, the harder it is to get respect and recognition from others, and the easier it is to damage his image.
therefore, those people who really have high EQ will never talk like this. They tend to be humble and low-key and are used to elevating others rather than themselves.
people like to be praised, if you are not good at praising people, but you should at least not step on others, this is the most basic requirement.
always have the upper hand in speech
some people talk to people, not for communication, but for debate competitions, which are very militant, and they have to fight for the right or wrong to win or lose.
the second common expression in "suicidal" chat is to overexert one's words, always want to gain the upper hand in words, defeat others, and refuse to let anything go.
the reason why this way of chatting is "suicide" is that in many cases, right or wrong and winning or losing are not the most important. On the contrary, the more you win or lose, the worse you lose.
for example, between husband and wife, there is no right or wrong in many things, and there should be more tolerance, understanding and understanding.
for example, chatting with people with different cognitive levels can be divided into right and wrong, but there is no need to argue. First, it is difficult to get a result, and second, even if you win the battle, you are still the loser.
therefore, those who really have high EQ tend to know how to judge the situation, judge the hour and size up the situation, and know when to fight for right or wrong and when to admit it and ignore it.
as the saying goes, take a step back.
that's what it is to get along with people. Most of the time, if you give way in words, your life will be more enjoyable.
habitual fault finding
in real life, there is such a person that no matter how well you do, they can always find fault.
this is not good and that is not right. I am used to denying others, and I don't like them. In short, I seldom hear pleasing and affirmative words from their mouths.
for example, if you work hard and stay up all night to get a report out, this kind of person is a cold remark, oops, your work efficiency is too low, your report is not good, nothing new.
for example, after a busy morning, I cooked a table of dishes myself, but what I got was that this one was not delicious and that one did not look good.
the third common manifestation of "suicidal" chat is to be mean, always finding fault with others, and more importantly, they can't say a specific solution, so you're not good.
as I just said, people like to be praised, so naturally they don't like to be found with faults.
this is not to say that you can't tell what you really think when talking to people, but you should pay attention to the ways and means and don't be blindly picky.
people who really have a high EQ, even if they say good advice, tend not to be so harsh, because there are skills and methods to speak.
in real life, many people are really possessed and professional. No matter what you say or do, they can always hit you in the head.
for example, you say that smoking is harmful to your health, and staying up late really hurts people.
he will refute you, pure nonsense. My grandfather smoked all his life and lived to the age of 85. Aunt Zhang downstairs worked the night shift every day and didn't see her.
the fourth common manifestation of "suicidal" chat is professional rivalry, which always likes to disagree with others.
the reason why this way of speaking is annoying is that there is an essential difference between flattery and debate.
debate canIt is said that it is to present the facts, to be reasonable, and to convince people with reasoning, while the argument is completely unreasonable, even if it is reasonable, it is crooked, with strong aggressiveness and emotion, so there is often a lack of respect for the people we chat with.
if a person wants to be a talker, I think the first step is to learn to listen and understand, and to resolutely put an end to the situation of flattery.
tell others what to do
I like a sentence in the Great Gatsby:
"whenever you want to judge others, you have to remember that not everyone in the world has the same advantages as you."
means that everyone has different experiences and different conditions, so don't judge others easily.
the fifth common manifestation of "suicide" chat is the habit of judging others from their own point of view and judging others according to their own cognitive level.
there is no doubt that this is very offensive, even out of kindness and goodwill, this self-righteous way of chatting can easily break up between the two sides.
very often, a person's so-called high EQ, the so-called ability to talk is nothing more than knowing how to understand others and being able to look at problems from each other's point of view.
on the way forward in life, the way to speak is a lifelong course. The more you can talk, the more smoothly you tend to walk.