Properly bothering others is a link to each other.
sow the forest and read quietly
John Nahn said: no one is an island.
our world, in the final analysis, is a huge network of relationships.
No one can be cut off from the rest of the world forever and live on his own;
Learning to bother others is the highest level of EQ.
A lot of opportunities are hidden in trouble
from an early age, our parents kept telling us: "Don't bother others", "solve it yourself if you can," and "you have to rely on yourself".
so under the influence of these values, we all become people who are not willing to ask for help easily.
but two days ago, Amor said something that changed my mind.
when giving birth to Erbao, she happened to meet the restructuring of her company, and the original enterprise became foreign capital.
Amor paid the maternity insurance in the newly registered company for less than a year, and thought he would pay full money for the baby this time.
at this time, she saw that the company had a new rule, but it was not clear whether the maternity insurance could be reimbursed, so she prepared the material carefully with the attitude of trying.
when sending the material, Amo wrote a small card: thank you for reviewing my material carefully. Thank you for your hard work. If you have any questions, please feel free to call XXX. The New year is coming. I wish you a happy Spring Festival.
unexpectedly, because of her small move, the maternity insurance was really reimbursed.
but her colleagues who had children of the same age lost this opportunity because they did not dare to "bother others".
Jobs once said:
"many people are never willing to pick up the phone and never turn to others for help, which sometimes distinguishes actors from dreamers.
Jobs himself is a person who knows how to "trouble" others.
at the age of 12, Jobs tried to design a mechanism, but got stuck in one link.
at this point, Jobs made an unexpected decision. He dialed directly:
"Hello, my name is Jobs. I am 12 years old and I am a middle school student. I want to make a frequency counter. I just want to ask you if you have any extra devices for me to use. "
on the other end of the phone is the 54-year-old famous Bill Hewlett.
after hearing a 12-year-old's request, Bill did not refuse. After patiently answering the question, he not only gave Jobs the device of the frequency counter, but also provided Jobs with the opportunity to come to his own company for an internship.
We always think that bothering others will be disgusted, so when we encounter difficulties and problems, we dare not take the initiative to ask for help, and finally let ourselves hold back.
but in fact, it is a positive and open attitude to trouble others when you encounter a difficult problem.
because we not only have to improve ourselves, but also learn from the outside world, perhaps many opportunities are hidden behind every "trouble".
good relationships are all troubles.
in 2015, Liu Tao lost more than 4 million worth of jewelry in a hotel in Denmark.
you can imagine Liu Tao's mood at that time when he was in a foreign country, could not speak the language, and suffered huge theft.
she immediately posted on Weibo and @ official organizations, hoping to get their help.
A netizen left a reply: looking for Wang Han, "every day upward" has cooperated with Denmark.
and Wang Han became popular as a result, and the connections behind him were dug up by netizens, and everyone was amazed-- the King of Human connections!
his contacts range from international figures to business elites, not to mention countless celebrities.
Why do you have so many contacts? In Wang Han's own words, "trouble" came out.
Wang Han had a serious liver disease and had to cultivate himself at home.
once, an old Chinese medicine doctor recommended him a folk prescription, among which there was a special traditional Chinese medicine-- nine-headed lion grass.
this kind of traditional Chinese medicine grows in Yunnan, Guizhou and other places. Wang Han thought of a local friend and called him to get some herbs to send back.
unexpectedly, his friend not only found him herbs, but also ground them into capsules that could be taken directly.
when Wang Han received it, he telephoned the other party to thank him again and again and repeatedly said that he had caused trouble to his friend.
who knows, the friend said:
"you can think of bothering me because you regard me as a friend. Friends, aren't they just for trouble? "
think about it, if you don't bother others, you actually refuse to build a relationship.
Qian Zhongshu has a very vivid metaphor:
"borrowing books is an excuse for a man and a woman to associate with each other. Once borrowed and returned, the relationship becomes ambiguous."
the same is true of friends: mutual trouble is an excuse to establish a relationship between friends. If you trouble me, I will have a deep affection.
fear of "trouble" is actually a lack of love
is it good for someone in Zhihu to ask, "don't want to bother others" and "don't want to be bothered by others"?
there is a high praise answer that goes like this:
in the process of asking for help, they do not simply ask others for things, but they pay: the risk of self-esteem and trust;
applyThe helper does not simply give, he gains dignity and interpersonal trust.
do not want to bother others, in fact, you are not willing to pay these psychological costs, or in your value system, dignity and face is very important.
when watching "everything is fine", Su Mingyu, who plays Yao Chen, is inexplicably distressed. She is obviously a big lady in her career, but she is pitifully emotionally fragile.
due to the lack of parental care from an early age, Su Mingyu gradually realized that she could not rely on others, but on her own.
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as a result, she studies very hard and works so hard that she even makes people think that this woman is Iron Man, strong and ruthless.
but who doesn't have feelings?
because she is used to not asking for help, she carries all the burdens silently and dares to release only when she is aggrieved and powerless.
Shi Tiandong, the small owner of the restaurant, made waves in her heart because of her love for Su Mingyu.
however, Su Mingyu still kept her head straight and refused to accept Shi Tiandong's favor, using money to pay the bill every time.
until Shi Tiandong said to Su Mingyu, "I'm not afraid of trouble. I just want to care about you."
Su Mingyu's innermost feelings of "undeserved feeling" are already afraid to accept other people's concern, so how can he bother others?
she can give, but can not calmly accept the kindness of others to her, and even feel that the kindness of others is his pressure, and her heart is full of anxiety.
there is a Franklin effect in psychology:
the best way to make people like you is not to help them, but to let them help you.
sometimes, dare to trouble others, not only will not become a burden, but will enhance each other's sense of importance and value. Make the other person feel better about you.
trouble, need scale and limit
but we must be clear: we can trouble others, but it does not mean that others have an obligation to help you.
when bothering others, you need to have standards and boundaries.
Don't take each other's help for granted
Last week, a friend angrily said to me, "when my colleague went to Hong Kong, I asked her to buy me a lotion and two boxes of masks."
after listening to her complaints, I am also full of black lines. maybe this colleague has something urgent to go to Hong Kong. maybe she has something to buy herself, so why do I have to bring you goods?
it is obligatory for others to help you, but it is their duty not to help you. Don't take each other's help for granted.
trouble others, have a good attitude
when I was flying to Beijing before, when I was waiting in line for security at the airport, a woman rushed to the front of the line, ran and said, "get out of the way, my plane is about to take off."
many of the people who were hit were very angry, and the person at the front of the line said directly to her, "my plane is about to take off, please wait."
the next few people all refused to let her jump the queue with the same excuse, and the woman waited angrily for more than five minutes before she passed the security check before a little girl.
in fact, it is not that the passengers are unwilling to help her, but her attitude makes them refuse to offer help.
as the saying goes, angry boxing does not hit people with smiling faces, when bothering others, a better attitude will lead to a higher success rate.
behind the trouble is equivalent exchange
Hu Xueyan once said:
"if you are willing to hold an umbrella for others, others will be willing to hold an umbrella for you.
when everyone has a rainy day without an umbrella, cover some rain if you can.
this is also a wonderful way that I won't get wet even if I don't bring an umbrella when it rains.
there is an old saying that "reciprocity is reciprocal".
No one wants to be bothered all the time. You help me once, and I'll help you again to build the strongest interpersonal relationship.
once upon a time, there was such a saying on the Internet:
when your child doesn't bother you, he may have grown up and stayed away from you.
when your parents stop bothering you, they may be dead.
when your lover is not bothering you, he may already be bothering others.
when your friends stop bothering you, there may be a gap between you.
properly bothering others is not only a kind of "trouble", but a channel for rapid growth and a link to each other.
when Hu Shi was a teenager, he was sent to study in Shanghai. When he was sent to the station, his mother was worried and said:
"you're going to the bigger world. I can't help you any more. Go out on your own, but I want to give you four words-- learn to ask for help."
people living in the world, it is impossible to have a smooth journey, learn to trouble others, is the highest EQ, but also the greatest wisdom.