A really good marriage, respect each other and grow up with each other.
Mr. Qian Zhongshu said a classic sentence in besieged Fortress:
"Marriage is like a besieged city. People outside the besieged city want to come in, and people in the besieged city want to go out."
many people think that as long as two people have love, they can stay together for a lifetime, but the reality is much more complicated than imagined.
in a relationship, a woman must have her own bottom line. No matter how much you love a man, you should never do something.
No matter how good the relationship is, don't refuse the bride price
A hot post was posted on Zhihu to the effect that
A couple who had been in love for many years broke up because of tens of thousands of betrothal gifts, and the other couple instantly found a girl who asked for hundreds of thousands of betrothal gifts to marry.
I have to say that human nature will be fully exposed in two moments, one is when his life is in danger, and the other is when he is facing money.
very often, even if the pure feelings, encounter firewood, rice, oil and salt, coupled with the addition of both parents, can instantly trigger a "family war."
from the man's crying, everyone learned that the two were a couple who had been talking for two years.
when preparing to talk about marriage, the woman demanded that there must be a "300000 bride price, 1.5 million house". The man could not bear it, and broke up after many failed discussions.
but the woman was not reconciled. She took someone to make trouble in the man's company for several months and found someone to beat the man up.
the man couldn't stand it. When he got out of control, he slapped his girlfriend several times in the street.
some people accuse men of being undignified, while others think that girls are too material.
although the sky-high betrothal gift demanded by the woman in the video is eye-popping, "the man is hired and the woman accepts the lottery" has spread so far, and the meaning of the bride price is no longer money itself.
to some extent, it not only represents the man's sincere attitude of asking for marriage, but also represents the importance the husband's family attaches to the marriage.
if talking about betrothal gifts hurts feelings, the feelings that will be hurt by betrothal gifts are doomed not to last long.
A married friend once shared his views on marriage and betrothal gifts:
"the bride price is more or less not the end, what you want is an attitude, otherwise the man who quarrels in the future may even feel that I didn't spend money to marry you anyway."
Yes, how can a marriage withstand the ups and downs of the next few decades if it cannot survive the basic firewood, rice, oil and salt?
for many girls, what they really want is not that little money, but a heart that is willing to cherish her and help her to grow old.
Love is beautiful, but life and marriage are real.
Don't think it's too vulgar to talk about money, you can't lose face to talk about money now, then most of the contradictions in the future will be brought about by money.
betrothal gift, which directly determines the degree to which a woman is valued in her husband's family and her future family status.
No matter how difficult your husband's family is, don't borrow money from your mother's family easily
the more a woman loves someone, the more she needs to learn to understand clearly. There are some things she can do and some things she refuses as soon as possible.
in marriage, if women are confused, they will not only lose their marriage, but also completely lose their strength and dignity.
some readers have complained to me backstage.
she and her husband are ordinary wage earners. After getting married, seeing that all the friends around them have changed their cars, her husband naturally itches.
it's just that the couple, who usually don't have a sense of saving, don't have any savings at all.
ask my parents-in-law, just two cold words: no money!
later, my husband made up his mind and advised: "your parents must have some savings in their hands. Why don't you go back and ask if you can borrow us to make the transition?"
seeing that her husband was eager to buy a car, she thought about it and decided to find her mother's family to think about it.
her family cobbled together to give her 80,000 yuan, and her husband promised to return it two years later.
but now that the car has been driving steadily for five years, my husband has not said a word about returning the money.
seeing that his younger brother is of marriageable age, he has to buy a wedding house, so his parents can't help talking.
she thought that now that she was well-off, she would repay a little bit of the money borrowed from her parents.
I didn't expect that my husband was not in that pleading tone, and his words were full of impatience.
"aren't you going to read it every day for tens of thousands of yuan? This money should buy a house for your brother, shouldn't you give it to us? I think you are stupid! "
later, the two men began to quarrel day and night over the 80,000 yuan.
as an old saying goes, "relatives are relatives, and wealth is wealth."
even parents, brothers and sisters, money exchanges must be clear accounts, most of the contradictions in life are caused by "wealth".
after many girls get married, they can't see that their husband is in trouble, even if they are wronged.
but in marriage, a woman who blindly wrongs herself is not doomed to be happy!
the more understanding you are, the less people will care about your grievances and temper.
therefore, you must carry it clearly, do not easily use your mother's money to subsidize your family, let alone foolishly spend all your savings.
otherwise you will not only lose the money itself, but also keep digging holes for your marriage.
never rush ahead of your husband in the affairs of your mother-in-law
many friends around them believe in the principle that "mother-in-law is mother", but the most taboo thing in marriage is to really treat mother-in-law as a mother.
Because marriage is not only a matter for two people, but also a matter for three families.
Women with high EQ know that if you want to live your own little life, don't worry too much about your mother-in-law's business.
I have seen a TV series "how my wife is made". The heroine Peng Qiaoqiao made a mess of her life because she worried too much about her mother-in-law.
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when Peng Qiaoqiao fell in love with her husband Fan Liang, Fan Liang's parents were getting divorced. Qiao Qiao felt that the family was coming soon, so she stepped forward and became a mediator for prospective parents-in-law, relieved here and persuaded to make peace there.
later, the husband-in-law did not get divorced, but every time there was a conflict between the two, she would be involved.
after marriage, Peng Qiaoqiao did not have too many things to do and became the matchmaker of her eldest sister-in-law. Who would have thought that the mother-in-law did not approve of the marriage and was determined to break up the couple.
so, in order to cover for her sister-in-law's date, she deceived her mother-in-law and son into working overtime; in order to please her mother-in-law, she pretended to promise her mother-in-law to help monitor her sister-in-law.
but who knows, the eldest sister-in-law who is dating is caught red-handed by her mother-in-law.
her mother-in-law was angry with her for deceiving herself, and the eldest sister-in-law was angry with her for betraying herself. Peng Qiaoqiao was very thankless and aggrieved at both ends.
many people think that marriage is a family and should help each other, but they don't want to do more and make more mistakes, the more dissatisfaction they will incur.
never rush ahead of your husband in the affairs of your mother-in-law.
if you charge ahead and do a good job, it is your son's credit behind you; if you fail to get things done, you will be thought to be doing bad things in the dark.
in the end, it ends up being "thankless and not human inside and outside".
so, no matter the mother-in-law or the mother-in-law, it is necessary to maintain a certain sense of boundaries after marriage, otherwise it is easy for marriage to carry a heavy burden.
if you don't talk about your mother-in-law's affairs, don't interfere, and try your best to let your husband handle it.
everything goes too far, keeping a bowl of soup at a distance and being a measured daughter-in-law is the truth that every woman should know.
the most difficult thing in the world to say is emotion, and the most difficult problem to solve is emotion.
Women must remember that the real
Marriage, we should respect each other and grow up with each other, instead of letting love control your every move.
only when you become better, there will be better people waiting for you.
, for the rest of your life, may you have the cleverness and great wisdom to run your marriage and make your firewood, rice, oil, salt, soy sauce and vinegar tea look happy!