Our "it doesn't matter" has nothing to do with others.
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A large-scale live broadcast "accident" broke on the Internet a few days ago:
in the live broadcast, the 15-year-old boy called his partner girl "not pretty", "not tall" and "feet smelly", and complained that the girl was fit to play his "aunt or elder".
the 20-year-old girl responded with an embarrassed face and a smile, barely completing the live broadcast.
later, netizens scolded repeatedly, saying that the boy behaved badly and did not respect others, and the boy could not bear the pressure to apologize to the girl publicly.
when the girl saw the boy's apology, she simply replied, "give it to time."
neither accepted an apology nor mentioned forgiveness.
in fact, in the world, we don't have to accept every apology or forgive everyone who hurts us.
the so-called "give time" is only the release after the flow of time, not forgiveness.
after all, there are some injuries, which will really stay with us for the rest of our lives.
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time goes by
hurt is hard to forget
Ma Dong said: "as time goes by, we will eventually forgive those who have hurt us."
this is not the case.
time can make people forget the people and things that have hurt themselves, but they can't take away those injuries and pain.
like a nail on a board, the board will crack and the nail will be loose, but the nail hole will not be restored.
compared with those middle-aged people who are fat and mentally tired, their deskmates are slim and energetic, which is the envy of everyone.
while eating, she suddenly asked the person next to her, "do you remember my nickname for school?"
the classmate was stupefied for a moment and said, "it's been so many years, I forgot a long time ago."
later, when she talked to me, I remembered that my classmates called her "Little Fatty".
she says she always remembers the nickname.
because of this nickname, she is addicted to weight loss and is nervous about her weight every day; because of this nickname, she has an introverted inferiority complex and dares not communicate with others at all.
"they just forgot, but I can't forget it."
I don't know what to say for a moment.
those "lovely" titles that may not have the slightest sense of ridicule in the eyes of others, in her heart, are like nails hammered into the wall, which cannot be pulled out.
it's that easy to hurt.
A casual look, a casual remark, an impromptu move, is an invisible knife.
the injured may only want to be happy for a moment and will soon forget, and some may not even have hurtful "self-knowledge";
the injured may only have a temporary pain, comfort themselves will pass, do not want to be imprisoned here for the rest of their lives.
time passes easily, but the hurt is hard to forget; sorry is easy to say, but it doesn't matter.
so, do not force yourself, those unspeakable forgiveness, you can choose not to say.
do not understand my suffering
Don't persuade me to forgive
I always hear something like this: "he has apologized, so forgive him."
can be such a sentence, bound too many people.
A netizen complained about a courier for an unpleasant delivery experience, resulting in a fine.
the courier found a netizen one night and asked him to withdraw his complaint.
netizens refused to withdraw because they were very dissatisfied with the fake delivery by the courier.
so the courier knelt down and cried bitterly.
the incident soon attracted a large crowd of onlookers.
people who don't know the truth have denounced the netizen: "the couriers are on their knees, why don't you forgive!"
when netizens heard this sentence, they were very puzzled:
"the complaint is because he and she sent false couriers to deceive me, and I didn't ask him to kneel. Why do I have to forgive him?"
but no matter how to explain it, netizens are still labeled as "calculating" and "reasonable and unforgiving".
is it tolerance to stand on the commanding heights and say innocuous words and criticize those who refuse to forgive others?
there is no real empathy in the world, and if you have never been deceived, don't ask the deceived person to choose to forgive.
I don't know when, even if you do something wrong, as long as you apologize first, you will become the biggest winner.
there is a very reasonable saying:
many people apologize, not because they are really "sorry", but because they just want to get a "it doesn't matter".
people who apologize do not want to be blamed, so they push the choice to each other; those who apologize do not want to feel uneasy, so they need a word of forgiveness and comfort.
if it is such an apology, it doesn't matter.
remember, not everything can be forgiven, and not all people deserve to be forgiven.
not forgiving you
just let myself go
someone in Zhihu has asked such a question:
what's the difference between forgiveness and forget it?
one of them replied:
to forgive is to let others go, and to forget it is to let yourself go.
Song Dandan onceShe was badly hurt by her ex-husband, because she was angry, she once became very grumpy:
she avenged the marriage with a new relationship;
also yelled at what her ex-husband did on the Internet;
she even cried at the slightest mention of her ex-husband.
but after many years, Song Dandan can not only accept others to say that name in front of him, but also praise his ex-husband's talent and thank his ex-husband for making such a classic work.
from the bad words at the beginning to the thanks and praise now, many people think that Song Dandan has forgiven his ex-husband and the harm he has caused.
this may not be the case.
she probably just chose to put it down.
put aside those old things, let go of all the feelings for that man, let go of all the bitterness.
indeed, whether to forgive or not is one thing, and whether to let it go is another.
just like what Shi Tiandong said to Su Mingyu in "everything is fine": "you can choose not to forgive, but you can also choose to let go."
these are two unconflicting choices.
you don't have to force yourself to forgive, nor do you have to force yourself to remember the hurt and pain.
there are not only friends and enemies in the world, but also ordinary strangers.
instead of worrying about gain and loss, it is better to give up completely.
maybe one day, when we face those who have hurt us, we can laugh it off.
when people ask us if we forgive each other, we can easily say: forget it.
No burden, no worry.
our "it doesn't matter" has nothing to do with others; our "it doesn't matter" is just being kind to ourselves.