Only a sharp knife can cut the mess, not dragging others is actually the greatest kindness.
read at ten o'clock
I don't know if you've ever had such trouble:
in the face of other people's requests, they will not refuse directly, but find a lot of excuses, but cause other people's displeasure.
and those who refuse at the beginning are not only not angry, but also more acceptable and satisfied.
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We live in an efficient society, and saving other people's time is a respect for others and for ourselves.
euphemistic refusal can not maintain each other's decency; direct rejection will gain each other's respect and recognition.
compared to the mistake of others and yourself caused by euphemism, a simple refusal is the best way to accomplish each other.
will not refuse, delay others, and embarrass yourself
writer Tai Zaizhi wrote in his book disqualification in the World: "my misfortune lies in my lack of the ability to refuse."
think deeply, do not know how to refuse, do make us often feel embarrassed, get into trouble, and make a mess of our lives.
but most of the time, our non-refusal also puts others in misfortune.
there is not much liquidity around my parents, and they have no intention of buying products.
but he didn't have the heart to lose the face of his cousin in front of the leader, so he was very cooperative with this visit and said time and again that he would seriously consider her proposal before sending the leader out.
A cooperation is destined to require more follow-up cooperation, and the compassion of the parents on the spur of the moment is understood as a chance in the eyes of the leaders, so they return visits with their cousins many times.
in order to save the face of his cousin, his parents continued to cooperate and even went to his company to attend a lecture.
until my cousin took a quilt out of his own pocket and sent it to my house as a gift from a new client to discuss the contract, my parents realized that things were out of control, so they hesitated and said:
"Lin, actually we are not interested in this product and are not going to buy it."
asked, my cousin was ashamed and annoyed, complaining that my parents said, "they are not interested. Tell me earlier, but I have been running back and forth for this order for a month."... "
when they learned that good intentions had done bad things, my parents sighed more than once:
"I wish I had refused in the first place.
an emotional cooperation not only put me in a dilemma, but also delayed my cousin's performance.
most of the time, we always choose euphemism for fear that refusing to say it will make two people blush, and these euphemisms often create the ugliest scenes.
as writer Xiao Ying complains in moments:
"We are all adults. You don't have to lie to me and say anything else. I'm not angry with your refusal. I'm just angry that you're wasting my time."
indeed, in the adult world, the hardest to accept is not rejection, but wasted time and things that have been delayed.
refusing directly is responsible for each other
in the variety show "Sister through the Wind and waves", actress Zhang Yuqi turned down numerous fans because of one refusal.
in the fourth issue of the Gagin video, Lan Yingying invites Li Stanni to her troupe to direct the dance moves in front of everyone.
Li Stanni agreed again and again after hearing this. Captain Zhang Yuqi took the words and decisively rejected Lan Yingying and said, "she is not available now!"
Li Stanni is the dance responsibility of her own troupe, and it is undoubtedly irresponsible to teach other groups to dance when she is too busy to take care of herself.
Zhang Yuqi's refusal does not prevent Lan Yingying's team from finding another way out, but is also responsible to the team.
refuse directly, not only to yourself, but also to others.
even her colleagues teased her for being too offensive: "it's not easy for someone else to write a manuscript. It's too hurtful if you say no decisively after ten minutes."
as a matter of fact, instead of being complained about by the author, she gained the author's trust because of her accurate grasp of the magazine's content and editor-in-chief's taste.
writer Lu Qi once wrote in her book: "everyone thinks that helping others is powerful, but in fact, rejection is a more powerful thing."
when you think about it, it is not without reason.
it is precisely because they understand the hard work of writing a manuscript that they refuse so thoroughly and let them find another one, which seems to show no mercy, but in fact it is to return the right of choice to the author and give them a way out.
on the contrary, the inappropriate manuscript and do not refuse is really offensive, seemingly compassionate, in fact, is a merciless delay, stubbornly cut off a manuscript should have the way back.
some refusals are cruel, but they are not misleading.
as the phrase sung in "Angel's fingerprints": "he is sincere and won't let you wait."
inappropriate but do not refuse, is really hurtful, internal is a kind of self-consumption, external is a kind of delay to others.
the world of adults,
simply refusing is the greatest goodwill
there is a question on Zhihu that goes like this: "it's right to be confessed by someone you don't like and refuse directly."Is it? "
among the various answers, the one that touches my heart the most is:
"instead of delaying each other, don't use your good time to hang someone you don't like. This is the greatest kindness to him."
Yes, if you don't love others, don't be ambiguous and muddy, which is good for others and yourself.
in this respect, I admire Mr. Yang Jiang most.
after Fei Xiaotong, a famous sociologist, was rejected in pursuing Yang Jiang when he was young, he asked Yang Jiang if he could be a friend so that he could wait for an opportunity in the future.
Mr. Yang Jiang decisively broke Fei Lao's mind and replied, "my friend, you can." But friends are the end, not the transition. "
later, when Qian Zhongshu died, Lao Fei visited the house with the slogan of caring for his old friends, showing that he wanted to take care of her for the rest of his life.
when parting, Yang Jiang personally took him downstairs and said to him, "the stairs are not easy to walk, and you should not go up in the face of difficulties
in a pun, he seems to care about old friends, but in fact he has to refuse simply and decisively.
in my opinion, the hardest and most valuable thing for adults is, like Mr. Yang Jiang, for things they don't want to do or don't want to do. Simple and straightforward, just do not mistake others and yourself.
as written in the book Please Wake me up before leaving: the more decisive you refuse, the better. Most of the time we are afraid to refuse others and think it is a kind of harm.
in fact, no, only a sharp knife can cut the mess, not dragging others is actually the greatest kindness.
refuse others, might as well be straightforward.
when you receive a call from a salesman, please express your apology as soon as possible; when a friend invites you to an occasion you don't want to go, you refuse decisively at the beginning; if you are confessed by someone you don't like, please cut the mess in time.
A crisp refusal is far better than an euphemism that delays each other and consumes each other's kindness.
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