May we all be able to live a good life in the busy world.
listen to the main
sow the forest and read quietly
I have read such a paragraph:
"the sign of a person's maturity is that he can become more and more easygoing in appearance, but more and more picky in his bones.
you can indulge once in a while, but don't be so versatile forever, your life is so short, don't let anyone or anything consume you or hurt you. "
I think so.
those who teach the truth of "dealing with people" always teach us to be gentle, kind, patient, gregarious, and so on. It seems that only in this way can we be regarded as qualified "adults".
do not realize that those who are really mature are precisely those who are not gentle, intolerant, and unsociable.
mature people are not easy to talk about
I often hear people ask, "I am very gentle, but why do people take me less and less seriously?"
this question can be answered by a sentence Bai Yansong said in his speech:
"because you are too easy to talk to. As soon as you ask for something, you will agree to it; if you ask for something, you will give it to you. "
the words are a little poignant and a little unexpected, but when you think about it, it can be called the truth.
in life, many people "respond to everything they want" in order to achieve a harmonious interpersonal relationship.
Brothers say "rivers and lakes in an emergency". Even if you are eating instant noodles, you have to collect them from credit cards and flowers for him to turn around.
colleagues say "do me a favor". Even if they want to go to the movies after work, they still sit down silently to change their plans and PPT.
instant noodles taste bad, the bill is difficult to pay, and I miss the premiere of the movie I've been waiting for for a long time. I'm the only one who knows all kinds of pain and sadness.
actor Guo Donglin once staged a sketch called "something you have to say" in a program. In the sketch, his mantra is "you have something to say".
when everyone saw that he was so eager to serve others, they became impolite one after another. his neighbors asked him to carry cabbage, his colleagues asked him to buy train tickets, and the boss asked him to contact him to buy a car.
but in fact, he doesn't know any capable people. He queued up all night to buy train tickets at a high price.
so, how does he get access to things like buying a train car?
at the end of the sketch, Guo Donglin was depressed and suffering, but he still could not say the word "no".
being talkative is certainly not a disadvantage, but there should be a limit to this "good". When what is entrusted by others is beyond our ability, or when we are aggrieved, we should refuse decisively.
mature people, know how to put themselves first, some people and things, TA can be "open to all", but some people and things, will certainly keep a distance.
"Don't be afraid to reject others if you have a legitimate reason.
when a person opens his mouth to make a request, he has two answers in mind.
therefore, it is expected to give him any of the answers. "
so, don't be so talkative, just say "no" when it's time to say no.
mature people are not very sensible
I quite agree with what Cai Kangyong said:
"tolerance will cause us to be ignored, and not to care will make us lose the taste of being alive."
if there are any overrated virtues in the world, sensible must be one of them.
because, too sensible, it is necessary to "carry things", and carry things, under high probability, at the expense of "patience".
I read a story on Zhihu.
the questioner was a husband who said, "my wife is too ignorant. What should I do?" As the title, tell the story.
he said that when he married his wife, her wife understood that it was difficult for him to start a business and offered not to pay the bride price.
when his parents heard about this, they did not object, and he felt that his wife was very sensible and was glad to have met a good girl.
he thought it was over.
until once, the wife heard her brother and wife talking to people in the community, saying that she was "upside down". The wife broke down, was depressed for several days, and even asked for a divorce.
from the question, we can see the husband's disappointment with his wife, but he didn't take it into account that his wife's disappointment was a hundred times better than his.
because he loves him, his wife will marry him at zero bride price; because he cannot accept being treated differently, his wife will collapse.
in the final analysis, what the wife cares about is not the money, but the "hearts".
the writer's canoe said:
"one thing in life that I don't like very much is that it always lets sensible people bear bad feelings and results."
people who are too sensible always think of others and always use their own kindness, generosity and thoughtfulness to avoid the difficulties of others.
people who are too sensible can not see themselves, always give all splendor and beauty to others, and always let themselves eat the last candy.
and truly mature people will understand that what should be taken must be taken, what should be taken must be taken, and must not be wronged. Because you don't want to embarrass others, it must be yourself who is embarrassed.
remember, don't be too sensible in the future. The more sensible you are, the more sensible others will be.The less sensible you will be; the more patient you are, the more others will think you are all right.
mature people are not very gregarious
people pay great attention to "socializing" when they are young.
TA will not be absent from the card game of A, TA will be present for the wine game of B, and TA will be present for the chess game of C.
like a flower butterfly, it revolves around the flower all day, whether it is full-blooming, half-blooming, or a flower.
Why is TA doing this?
TA's answer must be: to mix up in circles is to build up human connections, that is, to seek progress and development.
is that true?
writer Li Shanglong told an intriguing story.
this story is his own experience.
when he was in college, he was so obsessed with socializing that he often went to various clubs, called "getting familiar with his face", and was often tired and sweaty.
of course, there are benefits, too. He got a lot of contact information about awesome people and big shots.
he often gives gifts to these people and chat with them, thinking that they have a good relationship.
but later, when he couldn't fill out the "application form" and texted one of them for advice, he got three cold words: "I'm not free".
Li Shanglong summed up the "own incident" as follows:
"apart from each other's feelings, the fundamental condition for getting the other person to help you is that you can provide an equivalent return."
Step into the ultra chic in our wholesale wedding dresses. Our stylish options are gentle on your pocket.
this is true. The essence of social interaction is actually "equal exchange".
the more mature people are, the less gregarious they are.
because TA knows that instead of clinging around when his foundation is unstable and his strength is still shallow, it is better to stay away from busy occasions and precipitate himself.
mature people even understand that "excellence" is the only slogan.
once you have the light, and even become the irreplaceable one, even if the TA is far away from the "rivers and lakes", there are still TA business cards everywhere.
Zhou Guoping said:
"people tend to regard communication as an ability, but ignore that being alone is also an ability, and in a sense it is a more important ability than communication."
the best social outlook for adults is:
instead of wasting time eating and drinking, not spending time playing and fooling around, but enjoying loneliness, add value and cultivate yourself, and then choose a day to take off and amaze everyone.
people who are easy to get along with must be "talkative, sensible and gregarious". On the contrary, they are difficult to get along with.
but when we come to this world, do we just want to be "successful as a human being"? Apparently not.
Yang Jiang said: "the world is our own and has nothing to do with others."
however, those who dare to refuse, do not bear to give way, and do not socialize too much are the ones who really love themselves and life.
such a person is a long-term activist, and only such a person can have better control over his life.
May we all be able to live a good life in the complicated world.
Lin Jing is a radio host who graduated from the Chinese Department. Wish that after many years, the story will no longer hurt people, the sun is still warm, you are so charming. Let my voice and other people's