What sustains the marriage, and what causes the marriage to break up?
What sustains the marriage, and what causes the marriage to break up?
May you meet someone who understands you for the rest of your life!

Shen Congwen and Zhang Zhaohe

Love Legend



time people

I have seen too many lovers in my life. At the beginning, they are all close to each other, and there is no doubt about their love, but when they walk, they break up and fall in love with each other.

some of them are faded because of feelings;

some of them are due to the disagreement between the three values;

and some are because of the chicken feathers in the place of life.

indeed, it is hard for those who take the road of marriage.

along the way, covered with all kinds of rugged, potholed, it is not easy for two people to walk hand in hand all the time.

it requires us to run, communicate, and find the right loved ones.

in today's

column, Uncle would like to share

Shen Congwen and Zhang Zhaohe


I hope that through their marriage process, we can find some experience, learn from the good, avoid the bad, and then try to boil our days into sweet candy.

speaking of the love between Shen Congwen and Zhang Zhaohe, many people will think of this poem--

"I have crossed bridges in many places, seen clouds in many places, and drank many kinds of wine, but I have only loved you at the right best age."

between the lines, affectionate style.

even when I read it now, my heart still feels like an electric shock.

just as the poem says, in reality, when the two met for the first time, Zhang Zhaohe was only 18 years old, which was precisely the most prosperous age.

Shen Congwen was 26 years old at that time, teaching in Zhonggong, and Zhang Zhaohe was her student.

one day, Zhang Zhaohe was playing the harmonica by the side of the road on the playground. At the end of the playground, she swung her hair smartly and turned back neatly, still playing as she walked.

the whole action is high-spirited and in high spirits.

at that moment, this young girl suddenly broke into Shen Congwen's heart.

so he picked up his pen and wrote, "I suddenly fell in love with you somehow."

but Zhang Zhaohe has many admirers. She receives soft-handed love letters every day, and she doesn't like anyone. She even numbers "Frog one" and "Frog two" for many suitors.

for this reason, Zhang Yunhe, the second elder sister, once made fun of it. If so, Shen Congwen could only be ranked as "toad No. 13".

although he did not get a response from his beloved, Shen Congwen did not back down, but became more and more brave, one love letter after another, one love word after another, making people unable to resist.

so the bored Zhang Zhaohe ran to the headmaster Hu Shina to complain.

did not expect that Hu Shi Aicai, more intentionally set up two people, then advised her to say: he stubbornly loves you.

Zhang Zhaohe replied directly: I stubbornly do not love him.

later Hu Shi wrote to Shen Congwen and said:

"this woman can not understand you, let alone your love, you have misused love." You must be strong and don't let a little woman boast that she has broken Shen Congwen's heart.

this person is too young and has little life experience. So you can refuse to be pleased with yourself. "

I didn't expect that the phrase "she can't understand you" became a footnote to their marriage in the long years to come.

Shen Congwen's love letter offensive lasted four years.

although he is a young man of literature, gentle and shy, he is full of stubbornness and blood in his bones.

this is especially true in front of love.

coupled with "adding fuel to the flames" by relatives and friends, Zhang Zhaohe's rock-solid heart is increasingly shaken.

she said: "he has come to such a point that he is still looking out for me. I don't think he is lovely, but his heart is always pitiful and honorable."

captivating kids prom dresses make a great look for nearly any locale . Pefect for formal affairs or an informal ceremonies.

so this unrequited love ends with "getting married".

the two also had a period of happiness after marriage.

one teaches in a university and the other works in a library. Although the day is simple, it is nice and beautiful.

during Shen Congwen's return to Xiangxi's hometown, the two exchanged letters.

for the first time in his life, Zhang Zhaohe, who has always been rational and calm, showed a little girl-like attitude in his letter: "will the wind in Changsha roar so mercilessly, blowing my second brother's body into a piece of ice?"

some people in later generations said that Zhang Zhaohe's feelings for Shen Congwen were completely moved.

from this we can see that this is not always the case.

if you don't love each other, how can you show an unusual side and give your own tenderness?

it's just that marriage is different from love, it's easier to fall in love than to stay in love.

they are completely different people. One is a romantic youth, living in an ideal; the other is a lady of a famous family, who wants to live a simple and down-to-earth life.

as the days pass, the contradiction becomes more obvious.

for example, Shen Congwen likes to collect antique porcelain, but Zhang Zhaohe doesn't understand what's good about these bottles and cans. She worries about her life at home, but he goes out to look fat and pretend to be a gentleman.

and Shen Congwen doesn't understand how the three women in front of him are different from what he imagined.

the real disagreement occurred after the turbulent situation. Shen Congwen was ready to take his family south, but Zhang Zhaohe refused on the grounds that "it was inconvenient for the children to go on the road and the manuscripts should be taken care of."

there is a lot of war, isn't the family supposed to get together?

maybe it's not that she doesn't want to come, but she just doesn't want to be with me. Thinking like this, the humility and bewilderment accumulated in her heart is ignited.

in his letter, he questioned:

"to be honest, you love me.It is better to love me to write than to love me as a person. "

if love cannot be plunged into the life of "one meal, one vegetable" and does not produce the loyalty and understanding of "standing shoulder to shoulder", it is easy to be like a flower in late spring, which will wither at the slightest passage of wind and rain.

Liao Yimei once said: "it is not rare to meet love and sex in this life." What is rare is to meet and understand. "

compared with the ruthless lack of love and the change of heart, the most terrible thing in marriage is "don't know".

in fact, both Shen Congwen and Zhang Zhaohe need to bend over each other to understand and tolerate each other, but neither of them has done so.

but let the gully get wider and wider.

under the long backlog of loneliness, inferiority and displeasure, Shen Congwen began to seek comfort from the outside, so he fell in love with a girl Gao Qingzi who understood him.


but he later confessed and returned to his family, but the gap remained.

in his old age, Shen Congwen encountered a sudden change and encountered the coldest day of his life.

reply every night

Zhang Zhaohe had dinner, and then went back to his residence with breakfast and lunch the next day. He served cold rice steamed buns

, settle the soul with nowhere to be placed in academic research.

and the marriage, which was supposed to be a safe haven, failed to keep him warm.

even this

in 1969, on the eve of Shen Congwen's dismissal, his second sister, Zhang Yunhe, came to see him. He took out a crumpled letter from his bulging pocket, looking gentle and shy:

"this is the first letter from the third sister (Zhang Zhaohe) to me."

although he said in his mouth that there was no need to reply, he did receive it. The old man, who was almost 70, was crying like a child.

out of morality or habit, they always come to the end.

looking back on the way to come, there are sweetness, contradiction, separation and cold war. How do you describe this marriage? In fact, this is not something that our future generations can sum up in a few words.

can't judge who is right and who is wrong unilaterally.

the taste can only be "like drinking water, cold and warm self-knowledge".

Shen Congwen died in 1988.

Zhang Zhaohe began to collate and compile Shen Congwen's last manuscripts. The person who did not understand before understood between the lines-- the pressure he was under, the pain in his heart.

in the postscript to the Letters from Wen, she wrote:

"Congwen gets along with me. Is this life happy or unhappy?" There's no answer.

I don't understand him. I don't fully understand him.

then gradually gained some understanding. However, to really understand who he is and the heavy pressure on his life is to sort out his manuscripts now. What you didn't know in the past, you know now; what you didn't understand in the past, you understand now. "

but if this understanding had come earlier, the marriage might have been a different story.

looking at Shen and Zhang, you will find that "I understand you" may be more important than "I love you" when they live together.

Love is passion;

We need to understand and support each other.

Love that can really last a long time is when two people stand firmly behind each other after experiencing setbacks, quarrels, pain and despair in life.

is that I love you dazzling, but also understand your ordinary down-to-earth.

it is not difficult to find someone to live with in your whole life, but it is rare to find someone who understands you. He understands your hesitation, your silence, and the occasional romance and mindfulness at the bottom of your heart.

because you know, you are compassionate; because you know, you can live up to your losses.

May you meet someone who understands you for the rest of your life, accompany you to watch the flowers, stand with you at dusk, and accompany you for a long time.

an uncle

time people

this is the end of today's character interpretation. Thank you for listening.

I hope this story will soothe the loneliness in your heart and give you the strength to change or move forward. You should know that marriage is a spiritual practice, which requires constant learning and improvement.


to whom

, the results are all the same.

what other feelings and experiences do you have about marriage? Or if you have any stories you want to see, you are welcome to leave a message in the comments area.

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